5 Behaviors of Wise Parents: The Only Parenting Book You'll Ever Need by Steven W. Vannoy

Author:Steven W. Vannoy [Vannoy, Steven W.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: 10 Greatest Gifts Project
Published: 2022-12-21T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 17

The Gift of Love and Closeness

What if love is an action, even more than words?

In his eighty-eight years, my papa never said, “I love you.” But I never questioned his love.

Just before dusk, after long, sweaty days in the fields or barn, Papa would often say, “Come on, son, let’s go walk the fields.”

As we walked the endless rows of wheat and milo, his words were few, but I’ll never forget them. “The wheat looks good this year. That rain was just right.” “Remind me; we’ve got to fix that broken fence.” And sometimes, he’d go deeper. “Timing in life is everything. We timed the hay-cutting perfectly.”

I felt respected when he asked, “Who do you think we should hire to help with the next hay-cutting?”

I’ve often thought about why I treasure those memories in the fields. It was just the two of us. But most of all, Papa wanted to spend time with me. I was privy to his thoughts and feelings. He cared about my ideas. We were building the farm together.

He could’ve said “I love you” a million times, and it would have had less impact. I probably would’ve tuned that out because it would’ve been too often.

Scores of wonderful parents and grandparents have learned to “show” versus “tell” their love. But, of course, when we show our love deeply, a few verbal or written “I love yous” are the frosting on the cake.

People in some cultures say “I love you” more often, as that frequency fits their cultural style.

Our field walks gave me a priceless foundation. When things got tough—and they did—I knew that I was deeply loved and basically okay, and that I’d get through that situation too. I bet you find your own “field” that’s right for your family.

Of course, Papa wasn’t consciously using the 5 Behaviors, and like most of us, he wasn’t always the ideal father. But on our field walks, he was a strong and wise model. He gave me clear messages on what was important and let me know that I was important. Most of all, I knew he loved me. He asked wise teach questions. He listened to my thoughts without interrupting or offering advice. Most of all, he focused on my strengths and goodness. As I mentioned earlier in this book, these are behaviors we already know and use naturally. Our goal is to increase our effectiveness by consistently leveraging these 5 Behaviors.

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